BattleOfTheBadasses2017 Round 2 - CineMania - Home Of The B-Movie Fan

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With Round 1 complete, and a ton of surprise upsets, we now have a clearer vision of what the Battle Of The Badasses will one day become. What it should aspire to be. Quite simply put, the #BattleOfTheBadAsses is the single most important event of the year.

It's a tournament of attrition, a March Badass-ness (if you will), that is sure to put some hair on your chest and some cum in your shorts. Toxic masculinity? Sure! I'll take a double shot of that, please, on the rocks. Not ice, mind you, but actual rocks. Because this tournament is inspiring me to be the kind of man who eats bricks and shits stadiums. We're only 19 days into the Battle Of The Badasses, and I've already killed a bear with my bare hands and grown a full beard on each of my nipples. I'm turning so god-damn manly, that my foreskin turned into a fiveskin. I flexed at a woman and she gave me a son. I flexed at the sun and it hid behind the moon. I flexed at rape culture on college campuses and... well, actually that's still a pretty terrible thing. I don't think my masculinity can solve that one.
Anyway, as I was saying: Round 1 is done. And I'll be damned if there weren't some surprises. Carl Weathers, who rose to fame as Apollo Creed & Action Jackson before lighting the world on fire as pro golfer Chubbs Peterson, managed to CRUSH the one and only Chuck Norris! Pam Grier's "Coffy" was ground and pounded by the luscious Lucy Liu, and Ip Man himself, Donie Yen, was taken back to school in shocking fashion by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (the guy from Mortal Kombat).

The only flawless victory, though, goes to Michelle Yeoh; who's complete shutout of Devon Aoki was wholly unexpected. And while the widest margin of victory went to Kurt Russell's decimation of Bruce Willis, the closest match of the round was between Jackie Chan & Jet Li. They tied at first, so we were forced to go into the only sudden death competition of the tourney, where they... tied... again. Jackie Chan advances, though, as his fans were the loudest on twitter. Gotta make sure you vote, people! You are the ones who determine the winners!

It's time to kick this tournament into high gear to determine who is truly all outta bubblegum.
And let's have you, the movie-going public, decide the biggest badass of cinema history!
Voting is easy: just head to our Twitter (@RealCinemania) and every day we'll post 1 or 2 matchups.


As I talked about in our 1st update, I failed to do proper seeding because I was wholly unprepared to do this. "Seeding" is basically just ranking the participants, with a 1-seed considered the best and a 16-seed considered the worst. The 1-seed plays the 16-seed, the 2-seed plays the 15-seed, the 3 plays the 14, and so on. This ensures that the best teams get the easiest path to the finals, ultimately building the maximum amount of drama as you get deeper in the tournament. It's a great system. I'll do it right next year.

Our full bracket is below, along with some of Round 1's best match-ups, AND with the full list of who's survived so far!
Is the text too small to read?
Yeah, I kinda figured it would be. Especially on mobile devices.

The full list of Round 2 #BattleOfTheBadAsses participants is below:
Kurt Russell
Sly Stallone"Groovy" Bruce Campbell
Samuel L. Jackson
Tony Jaa
Mickey Rourke
Lucy Liu
Dolph Lundgren
Michael Jai White
Tom Berenger
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
Peter Weller
Steven Seagal
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Hugh Jackman
Carl Weathers
Michelle Yeoh
Danny Trejo
Uma Thurman
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
Bolo Yeung
Jason Statham
Keith David
Sonny Chiba
Brandon Lee
Jackie ChanBruce Lee
Salma Hayek
Chow Yun-Fat
Billy Blanks
Don "The Dragon" Wilson
Fred Williamson
"Why isn't Clint Eastwood in the tournament?"
-He pulled a hamstring.

"Have you ever heard of a guy named John Wayne?"
-He tore his ACL.

"Hey fuckface, where the hell is *insert name here*?"
-I don't appreciate your tone. *insert name here* chose not to participate for religious reasons.

Next March, I'll mix it up a bit and include this year's favorites along with all the people you wish were here!
Are you fixing to pitch a bitch fit over what I had to say? Please let us know at: cinemaniac@cinemania.co
or Follow us on Twitter: @RealCinemania
or head on over to our brand new, shiny FORUMS! Have an uncensored, unrestricted, & unmoderated discussion on all things cult!

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