Demented Dozen - The Baddest, Nastiest Bastards In Cinematic History! - CineMania - Home Of The B-Movie Fan

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Demented Dozen:
The Nastiest, Most Dastardly Bastards In Cinematic History
By: Mickael
Welcome, CineManiacs, to our Demented Dozen! Our top twelve selections of cinematic stuff symbolizing the most scintillating specimens in the saga of celluloid sludge! Only the most bizarre, depraved, and savage need apply as we honor the movies, people, and things from film’s furtive past. Only these chosen few are given the dubious distinction of being selected as...

A lot of the "Best Villains In Film" lists appear to care more about intimidation than actual wrongdoing. Voldemort consistently appears near the top, despite his seemingly chronic ineptitude. When you think about it, what were his personal successes? Sure, we're told that he killed Harry's mum & dad, but it's not like there's a ton of DNA evidence or anything. Maybe O.J. did it. Voldemort's evil schemes were constantly thwarted by a group of pre-pubescent LARPers. He couldn't even take over a school. The dude is one step above a Scooby Doo villain.
Then there's Darth Vader. Of course he seems bad ass, because even a Lisa Frank unicorn would give you the chills if The Imperial March played every time it entered a room. Dress it up in black armor and it's even more terrifying. Look a little closer, though, and you realize that Darth Vader was just doing his job for the Emperor, in trying to suppress a rebel uprising and cementing their control over the galaxy. He's not some space pirate, warp-speeding around the Orion nebula as he rapes, plunders, and pillages... that's actually closer to Han Solo's job description. Sure, Vader blew up a planet or two and killed plenty of people, but by that logic President Harry S. Truman is one of the world's worst mass murderers for his role in dropping the atomic bombs on Japan. Since history has clearly been written by the Skywalker clan on this one, I'm not going to condemn good ol' Darth Vader for breaking a few space eggs in his intergalactic omelette.

As a whole, movies rely far too heavily on body counts and death tolls as the be-all and end-all of film villainy. Villainy isn't just about murder. The truth is, any asshole with a claw hammer and an unpleasant disposition can take a few lives. Real villains rob you of your happiness, then your life. To truly be considered among the elite evildoers of all time, you need a certain malignant edge to your atrocities. What we are looking for here, in our inaugural Demented Dozen; are the most wicked, sinister, felonious, heinous, and malicious bad guys of all time. Loki ain’t got nothin’ on these vile villains:
#12: Leatherface
While Michael Myers & Jason Voorhees will calmly walk around, lazily stabbing and slashing away at the torsos of high school girls, Leatherface takes a more brutal approach. Leatherface will chase you down, capture you, hang you up on a meat hook, cut you into little bits, cook your corpse into a stew, and then wear your skin as a mask. Sorry, Freddy Krueger fans, but killing people in their sleep is for amateurs. The real nightmare is the one you can’t wake up from, and that’s why we kick off this list of cinematic psychopaths with Leatherface, the most merciless of the slashers.
#11: Tony Montana
Sure, Tony Montana is more of an anti-hero than a bad guy, but look at his wrap sheet: homicide, assault with a deadly weapon, drug trafficking, possession w/ intent to distribute... he's a bad motherfucker! If you're coming up in the 305 and you cross Tony Montana, you better check yourself. That's all I'm saying.
#10: Immortan Joe
He rules over his territory with an iron fist and a plastic six-pack. He'll hoard all of the resources with no compassion. He doesn't just keep taps on the water, he even keeps the most beautiful women for himself! Now that's a bastard. And when his army of motorhead henchmen fail to suppress any rebellion, he'll personally step in to squash his enemies. Immortan Joe is not to be trifled with!
#9: Judge Jeffreys
Of course a Christopher Lee character would earn a place on this list, even if it's not his most famous. Judge Jeffreys, "The Bloody Judge" from Jesus Franco's 1970 classic, is the Lord Chief Justice in 17th century England. He rapes, tortures, and kills- in part for political gain, but also to satiate his own sadistic desires! This film is listed as PG, but that's just another internet lie... it's full of enough sick and twisted imagery to earn a hard R or even an NC-17 rating by today's standards!
#8 Prince Prospero
Don't let his jaunty hat or his wise-ass smirk fool you, Prince Prospero is a proper degenerate. In this 1964 adaptation of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Masque of the Red Death", it was none other than Roger Corman himself who directed Vincent Price to one of his most maniacal performances! Not only does this affluent and entitled Prince protect his noble friends while the peasants under him either burn or die of the plague, but he's such a royal bastard that he even worships Satan! One of the most evil, licentious characters ever portrayed by Vincent Price... and that's saying a lot.
#7: Dr. Hieter
Unlike most antagonists on this list, you don't even have to wrong Dr. Heiter in order for him to irreparably alter your life. All you have to do is have some car trouble in the wrong part of the German countryside, and you may find yourself kidnapped, mutilated, and experimented on. I'd much rather face an army of zombies or fight every sith lord ever than end up on the ass end of a Human Centipede! At least most conventional movie villains will merely kill you, and many of them fairly quickly, but Dr. Heiter here will keep you alive just long enough to make you wish you were dead.
#6: Pinhead
Just when you thought Dr. Heiter was among the nastiest bastards to ever torture somebody, in walks Pinhead. Eventually named the Hell Priest by Clive Barker, Pinhead isn't merely some bored human with an inclination to ruin your day. No, no, no! Pinhead performs sadomasochistic rituals like it's his damn job to make you cry like a bitch. One minute you're playing a puzzle box, having the time of your life, and the next thing you know is pain. Pure, merciless, neverending pain and suffering. Pinhead and his other Cenobite pals are relentless in their desire to torture you until your spirit is broken and your soul is theirs. This is a fate far worse than death!
#5: Lee Woo-jin
In 2003's Oldboy, one of Park Chan-wook's most heralded films, Lee Woo-jin is one sick fuck. I refuse to spoil this incredible film for anyone who hasn't seen it, and anyone who has seen it assuredly agrees with his inclusion on this list. So, go watch Oldboy... and then think "what if that guy was after ME?"

Yeah, you don't want that.
#4: The Joker
Does this even need any explanation? Whereas most comic book villains hatch hare-brained schemes to "take over Gotham... and then THE WORLD!", The Joker has never been after power. Never been satisfied with money, either. He's a force of nature, a purveyor of chaos and anarchy everywhere he goes. The Joker has the largest body count in the entire DC Universe, and he's merely a man. Your average supervillain seems threatening for but a fleeting moment before some obvious weakness leads to their downfall. They're like a thunderstorm: the dark clouds and bright lightning strike fear into you, but ultimately they're rendered meaningless by an umbrella. The Joker is more like a tornado. Sudden. Violent. Unpredictable. You are never safe from The Joker.
#3: Caligula
Much like the infamous 1979 film debacle, Caligula is very likely to spark controversy on this list. He was just a Roman emperor after all, so how could I exclude Darth Vader but include Caligula? I smell hypocrisy! Don't get your panties in a twist, here's my reasoning: sure, Darth Vader killed many people and tried to kill his own children, but Caligula raped, sodomized, committed beastiality, assault, torture, killed his uncle with own hands, had his best friend's head cut off, and had another's penis removed from his body! And the infanticide, oh yes the infanticide! Caligula is as unpredictable as The Joker, but as powerful as a King... that's a deadly combination.
#2: Hannibal Lecter
Hannibal Lecter is such a master of the human mind, he can make you swallow your own tongue with just whisper in your ear. Unlike Leatherface, who also kills and eats his victims, Hannibal always in control when he does it. His motives are his own, and you never quite know whether you're his accomplice, his enemy, or his victim.
#1: Alex DeLarge
Malcolm McDowell's portrayal of Alex DeLarge in Stanley Kubrick's classic A Clockwork Orange is absolutely maniacal. He's a charismatic but despicable hooligan. Without remorse, he leads his gang of Droogs on a series of violent assaults, robberies, rapes, and tons of other random acts of villainy. Why does Malcolm McDowell get 2 characters on this list, while Christopher Lee and Vincent Price only get 1? Because it's my list, that's why, and I would MUCH rather come face-to-face with ANY of their characters in a dark alley instead of the psychotic Alex DeLarge! It's a testament to Kubrick's mastery of filming terror that this characterization is still so vividly remembered after all these years.
You know what I just realized? All of the worst bad guys are... guys. Cinema is really lacking in malicious bitches, villainous vixens, and wicked women. That’s not to say that there aren’t ANY female antagonists. Obviously, Kathy Bates has made her career out of playing strong, wretched heavies. This is just my observation that, by and large, the creme de la criminals are portrayed as men. Personally, I think Gwenyth Paltrow is the biggest villain in Hollywood at the moment, but that’s only because she heels off in her personal life! Hopefully, someday, I’ll be able to update this Demented Dozen with the addition of an incredibly bad ass bitch... feminism has a long way to go, ladies.
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