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WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
No, wait, what I mean to say is that we are all actually going to die. Someday. Probably not anytime soon. But maybe soon. What I'm trying to say is that no matter how great, important, successful, or popular you are, this one thing is inescapable: mortality. Being human, by its very nature, guarantees us only two shared experiences: birth and death. Everything else we may do or experience is implicit in the other half of our title: being. “Being” encompasses all that we do between our birth and our death.

Whether you’re being recognized for fantastic accomplishments or being arrested for smoking meth in a gas station restroom, once you cease being, you die. This fate, which we all share, touches the powerful and the weak alike. Those that have lived in the White House along with those that have lived in a cardboard house will face death. Neither the anonymous nor the famous are long for this world. The 1% may have more money, a better education, and a greater lifestyle than the 99%, but 100% of us will end up just plain dead.
Most people fear dying, which is why many "scary" movies use death as the means of terror. Many are also fascinated with immortality, explaining the popularity of vampire stories. Some are intrigued by rebirth, hence the proliferation of zombie flicks. The type of movies that made you famous, though, is inconsequentual... because you will die just the same. What use is all that money, celebrity, and power, then? We’re all just competing for who gets the fanciest tombstone! Prepare the calamine lotion, because some of these may sting. Let's vote on who will end up with the nicest funeral in...
The 2016 Celebrity Dead Pool!
--NOTHING IS ETERNAL, NOTHING IS INFINITE--
Vote on which celebrities you think are most likely to die in the 2016 calendar year!
Hugh Hefner
Born: April 9th, 1926 (Age 89 going on 90)
Risk Factors:
1) Being Incredibly Old
2) Smoked for decades
3) Had a stroke in 1985
4) Rumors circulate that he is surrounded by more nurses than playboy bunnies at his mansion.
Hugh Hefner
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Cloris Leachman
Born: April 30th, 1926 (Age 89 going on 90)
Risk Factors:
1) Being Incredibly Old
2) Like, so fucking old
3) Cloris Leachman was in the Miss America pageant during World War II.
4) That's not a joke, that's just how fucking old she is.
5) Otherwise, she seems healthy.
6) She's a vegetarian, even.
7) Hospitalized for pneumonia once, but that doesn't really mean anything...
Cloris Leachman
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Sean Connery
Born: August 25th, 1930 (Age 85 going on 86)
Risk Factors:
1) Being Incredibly Old
2) Started smoking when he was 9 years old
3) The last surviving cast member of Darby O'Gill & The Little People (1959)
4) Rumored to have Alzheimer's Disease
Sean Connery
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Sir Ian McKellen
Born: May 25th, 1939 (Age 76 going on 77)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Party Animal
3) Had Prostate Cancer
Ian McKellen
Deader Than Dubstep
Alive And Kicking
Poll Maker
Patrick Stewart
Born: July 13th, 1940 (Age 75 going on 76)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Diagnosed with heart disease
3) Little bit of a drinker
Patrick Stewart
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Morgan Freeman
Born: June 1st, 1937 (Age 78 going on 79)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Fibromyalgia (not deadly, but it's all he's got)
Morgan Freeman
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Courtney Love
Born: July 9th, 1964 (age 51 going on 52)
Risk Factors:
1) Longtime drug addict
2) History of depression
Courtney Love
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Steve Martin
Born: August 14th, 1945 (age 70 going on 71)
Risk Factors:
1) Has looked old since before you were born
2) Was a real wild and crazy guy
Steve Martin
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Adam West
Born: September 19th, 1928 (age 87 going on 88)
Risk Factors:
1) Is on The Joker's bad side
2) Is clearly a crazy old man
3) So depressingly old.
Adam West
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Alex Trebek
Born: July 22nd, 1940 (age 75 going on 76)
Risk Factors:
1) Has suffered from 2 heart attacks
2) History of alcoholism
3) Doesn't have one fuck to give about what you think.
Alex Trebek
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Pat Sajak
Born: October 26th, 1946 (age 69 going on 70)
Risk Factors:
1) Also a big drinker
2) Is kind of annoying, don't you think?
3) Like, I don't hate him, but if he just dropped dead one day
4) I wouldn't shed any tears.
Pat Sajak
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
"Mean" Gene Okerlund
Born: December 19th, 1942 (age 73 going on 74)
Risk Factors:
1) Has had 2 kidney transplants
2) Alcoholic
3) Former drug user, claims to have "had it under control"
"Mean" Gene Okerlund
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Born: November 1st, 1944 (age 71 going on 72)
Risk Factors:
1) Throat cancer
2) Complications from cancer-related surgeries have left him largely unable to speak and suffering multiple infections
3) Has also had numerous falls the last few years, breaking a hip and a shoulder in the process
4) Honestly, I thought he died 7 years ago
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Warwick Davis
Born: February 3rd, 1970 (age 45 going on 46)
Risk Factors:
1) Born with SED
2) While SED doesn't reduce life expectancy, it can cause difficulty with the respiratory system...
Warwick Davis
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
George Wendt
Born: October 17th, 1948 (age 67 going on 68)
Risk Factors:
1) As Norm Peterson, he had to drink, like, 80 gallons of beer per week.
2) Old + Fat = Death
George Wendt
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Clint Eastwood
Born: May 31st, 1930 (age 85 going on 86)
Risk Factors:
1) Soooooo Old. So. Fucking. Old.
2) That's all, just old. Maybe he has dementia or some shit.
Clint Eastwood
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Stan Lee
Born: December 28th, 1922 (age 93 going on 94)
Risk Factors:
1) In 2012 was given a pacemaker for heart issues
2) Has angered world-eating gods for always writing them as the losers
Stan Lee
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Sally Field
Born: November 6th, 1946 (age 69 going on 70)
Risk Factors:
1) Has Osteoporosis
2) Dem bones, dem brittle bones
Sally Field
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Pam Grier
Born: May 26th, 1949 (age 66 going on 67)
Risk Factors:
1) Had cervical cancer
2) Was given 18 months to live... 27 YEARS ago!
Pam Grier
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Charlie Sheen
Born: September 3rd, 1965 (age 50 going on 51)
Risk Factors:
1) HIV positive
2) Lifetime of drug abuse and partying
3) Has suffered a stroke from overdosing on drugs
4) Has had more sexual partners than most of us have spent days on this earth
Charlie Sheen
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Carla Thomas
Born: December 21st, 1942 (age 73 going on 74)
Risk Factors:
1) Just age
Carla Thomas
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Ed Asner
Born: November 15th, 1929 (age 86 going on 87)
Risk Factors:
1) Older than dirt
2) Potentially is losing his damn mind
Ed Asner
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Muhammad Ali
Born: January 17th, 1942 (age 73 going on 74)
Risk Factors:
1) Has Parkinson's disease
2) Lifetime of taking punches
3) Infamous womanizer, could be carrying a motherload of STDs
4) Recently hospitalized for pneumonia and a UTI
Muhammad Ali
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
fun quizzes
Mr. T
Born: May 21st, 1952 (age 63 going on 64)
Risk Factors:
1) Was diagnosed with T-cell lymphoma (irony!), but has since recovered
2) Black males have the shortest lifespan
3) 10 years as a bouncer in Chicago will further shorten anyone's life
Mr. T
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Owen Wilson
Born: November 18th, 1968 (age 47 going on 48)
Risk Factors:
1) Has attempted suicide in the past
2) Treated for depression
Owen Wilson
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
free quizzes
Aretha Franklin
Born: March 25th, 1942 (age 73 going on 74)
Risk Factors:
1) Struggled with obesity
2) Former smoker
3) Alcoholic
4) Has had an undisclosed illness that required numerous surgeries over the last 4 years
Aretha Franklin
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Michael J. Fox
Born: June 9th, 1961 (age 54 going on 55)
Risk Factors:
1) Living with Parkinson's disease for 24 years
2) Parkinson's can cause pulmonary embolism, deep vein thrombosis, and aspiration
Michael J. Fox
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Christopher Lloyd
Born: October 22nd, 1938 (age 77 going on 78)
Risk Factors:
1) Just age
Christopher Lloyd
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Tara Reid
Born: November 8th, 1975 (age 40 going on 41)
Risk Factors:
1) Has been in rehab for alcoholism
2) Known drug user
3) Struggles with anorexia and body image issues
Tara Reid
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Christopher Walken
Born: March 31st, 1943 (age 72 going on 73)
Risk Factors:
1) Just age, Walken lives a normal life in CT with his wife of 50 years
Christopher Walken
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Dan Aykroyd
Born: July 1st, 1952 (age 63 going on 64)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Long time chain smoker
3) Diagnosed with Tourette's and Asperger's (non-threatening traits more than illnesses, but still...)
Dan Aykroyd
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Harvey Keitel
Born: May 13th, 1939 (age 76 going on 77)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) History of depression
3) Former drug abuser
Harvey Keitel
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
create a quiz
John Goodman
Born: June 20th, 1952 (age 63 going on 64)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Chronic obesity
3) Was an alcoholic for 3 decades
John Goodman
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Jane Fonda
Born: December 21st, 1937 (age 77 going on 78)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Diagnosed with breast cancer
3) Struggled with bulimia and body image issues
Jane Fonda
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Ric Flair
Born: February 25th, 1949 (age 66 going on 67)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Years of substance abuse
3) Long time alcoholic
4) Steroid user
5) Pro Wrestlers don't typically live very long
Ric Flair
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Sam Waterston
Born: November 15th, 1940 (age 75 going on 76)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Some people seem to think he has Parkinson's, but they're just full of shit
Sam Waterston
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Michael Caine
Born: March 14th, 1933 (age 82 going on 83)
Risk Factors:
1) Very Advanced Age
2) Used to smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day
Michael Caine
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Samuel L. Jackson
Born: December 21st, 1948 (age 66 going on 67)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Former drinker
3) Former drug user
Samuel L. Jackson
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Danny Trejo
Born: May 16th, 1944 (age 71 going on 72)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Former drug abuser
3) Ex-con
Danny Trejo
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Caitlyn / Bruce Jenner
Born: October 28th, 1949 (age 66 going on 67)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Struggled with depression for most of her life
Caitlyn / Bruce Jenner
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Harrison Ford
Born: July 13th, 1942 (age 73 going on 74)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Clumsier than a gaggle of baby giraffes walking in high heel shoes
3) Pilots airplanes and helicopters
4) Suffered from depression
Harrison Ford
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Martin Scorsese
Born: November 17th, 1942 (age 73 going on 74)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Asthma
3) Former drug addict
4) Former alcoholic
Martin Scorsese
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Shigeru Miyamoto
Born: November 16th, 1952 (age 63 going on 64)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Former smoker and gambler
3) Had to be high as fuck to create Mario
4) I'm really just putting this one on here to make you sad...
Shigeru Miyamoto
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Michael Douglas
Born: September 25th, 1944 (age 71 going on 72)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Has stage IV tongue cancer from licking all that puss
3) Former alcoholic
4) Years of heavy smoking
Michael Douglas
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Francis Ford Coppola
Born: April 7th, 1939 (age 76 going on 77)
Risk Factors:
1) Sooo fucking old, you guys
2) Has bipolar disorder
3) A total wino, if you ask me
Francis Ford Coppola
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Dario Argento
Born: September 7th, 1940 (age 75 going on 76)
Risk Factors:
1) Age
2) Has a sick mind, if nothing else
3) Hangs out with Iggy Pop these days, and that's gotta shorten your life expectancy
Dario Argento
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
George A. Romero
Born: September 4th, 1940 (age 75 going on 76)
Risk Factors:
1) He's just so damn old
2) He looks even older
3) He was over the hill
4) Before the hill was a thing
George A. Romero
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Jeff Hardy
Born: August 31st, 1977 (age 38 going on 99)
Risk Factors:
1) Drug abuse
2) Hardcore partier
3) High-flying, death-defying, risk-taking, baby-making son of a gun.
4) Wrestlers like him don't often reach 40
Jeff Hardy
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
free quiz maker
Justin Bieber
Born: March 1st, 1994 (age 21 going on 22)
Risk Factors:
1) Drinking
2) Drugs
3) Total dumb ass
4) I don't know, just wishful thinking I guess?
Justin Bieber
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Lloyd Kaufman
Born: December 30th, 1945 (age 69 going on 70)
Risk Factors:
1) Longtime exposure to toxic avengers,
2) Nuclear waste-filled high schools,
3) Zombies, Mutant chickens,
4) & the mean streets of Tromaville
Lloyd Kaufman
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Mel Brooks
Born: June 28th, 1926 (age 89 going on 90)
Risk Factors:
1) Being so fucking old, you guys.
2) Pisses off Nazis on the reg
3) Don't you die on me, damnit!!
Mel Brooks
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Gene Wilder
Born: June 11th, 1933 (age 82 going on 83)
Risk Factors:
1) Has non-Hodgkin's lumphoma
2) Super Old
3) He's gotta pay for what he did to those kids at his chocolate factory
4) Dude hung out with Richard Pryor during the crazy years, that's gotta take a toll
Gene Wilder
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
Burt Reynolds
Born: February 11th, 1936 (age 79 going on 80)
Risk Factors:
1) Had addiction to painkillers
2) Numerous surgeries for lingering injuries
3) Has been repeatedly hospitalized the last few years
4) If you believe the tabloids, he has everything from AIDs to Sickle Cell
5) The tabloids will probably give him breast cancer next
6) I wouldn't be surprised if they said he was a zombie
Burt Reynolds
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Doug Stanhope
Born: March 25th, 1967 (age 48 going on 49)
Risk Factors:
1) Drug abuse
2) Raging alcoholic
3) If 1/3rd of his stories are true, he's a maniac
4) Enjoys pissing off large segments of the population
5) Smokes 750 packs of cigarettes a day
Doug Stanhope
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Quiz Maker
O.J. Simpson
Born: July 9th, 1947 (age 68 going on 69)
Risk Factors:
1) Claims he has brain cancer
2) Serving a 33 year jail sentence
3) Former drug user
4) He has to be the granddaddy of all concussion-related CTE cases.
O.J. Simpson
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Iggy Pop
Born: April 21st, 1947 (age 68 going on 69)
Risk Factors:
1) Drug abuse
2) Alcoholism
3) NO ONE ON EARTH has lived bigger or partied harder than Iggy Pop
4) The fact that he's alive right now is a fucking miracle
Iggy Pop
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
George Kennedy
Born: February 18th, 1925 (age 90 going on 91)
Risk Factors:
1) He's 90 motherfucking years old!!
George Kennedy
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
Jack Nicholson
Born: April 22nd, 1937 (age 78 going on 79)
Risk Factors:
1) Super old
2) Hardcore drug user in his day
3) Allegedly has memory loss, but denies having dementia
4) Longtime smoker
Jack Nicholson
Deader than Dubstep
Alive and Kicking
Poll Maker
 
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