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The Weirdest Movie Titles Of All Time
By: Mickael
People have a nasty habit of becoming prisoners of the moment. The newest crazy thing suddenly becomes The CRAZIEST Thing Ever, because hyperbole gets clicks. Readers want their information in easy to consume bite-sized portions and they don’t have the time to sift through nuanced arguments to develop a conclusion. They simply want to know, “what is the best?”, “The weirdest?”, “The most epic?” or “The most cringe-worthy?” so that they can share that key takeaway with their friends and move along to the next shiny object that crosses their view. These people would simply and sarcastically say that the greatest movie title of all time is Sharknado. That it is the apex predator of movie titles, gobbling up lesser film names and dispersing their remains in its fecal matter.

Throughout film history, promoters and marketing agencies alike have understood that a gimmicky name is the fastest and cheapest way to sell a movie to the audience. It's easy to gather a crowd by choosing something tantalizing, like The Day The Sky Exploded, mysterious, like It! The Terror From Beyond Space, or simply making a promise by stating the main attraction, like Cosmic Monsters. They often use dubious adjectives and exaggerated claims to get your attention. Sometimes they attempt a double entendre (Face/Off), a pun (Shanghai Noon), or a portmanteau (Sharktopus). As a name, Sharknado is... okay. It’s evocative. It’s funny. It accurately describes the movie you’re about to watch and sets your expectations accordingly. It’s also not the craziest movie title ever. It’s not even in the top 10. To prove this beyond a doubt, I'm bringing you 12 greater movie titles that will have you shaking your head:
#12: Murdercycle (1999)
A murdercycle is created when a meteor crashes into a CIA hideout and melds a boy’s body with his motorcycle to form the ultimate killing machine. This is not the highest-quality film in the world, but that’s not what we’re here to celebrate now is it? No, we’re merely here to judge a movie by it’s name, and this name fucking rocks. If you want more human/machine hybrids, check out Manborg, The Eliminators, Mutant Hunt, Mandroid, Prototype, The Vindicator, or even Robocop.
#11: Santa's Slay (2005)
Professional wrestler Bill Goldberg spreads the holiday fear as Santa Claus, a demonic entity who lost a bet and was stuck spending the last 1,000 years giving you free shit. Now, instead of presents, Kris Kringle is bringing the pain. There are cameos galore in this black comedy gore-fest, including Fran Drescher, James Caan, Chris Kattan, Dave Thomas, and Saul Rubinek. This may not be the first serial killing Santa film (hell, it’s not even the first wrestler-turned-Santa movie!), but it sure as shit has the best name of any of them. For more killer Christmas tales, see Black Christmas (or it's remake), Silent Night Deadly Night Parts 1 - 5 (or the remake), To All A Goodnight, Don’t Open Till Christmas, Silent Night Bloody Night (or this remake or it's fucking sequel), and Christmas Evil. You can now watch a different X-mas themed horror movie every year for the next decade. You’re welcome.
#10: Big Tits Zombie (2010)
 (AKA Big Tits Dragon)
Underneath a local strip club lies long forgotten catacombs. Discovered within these catacombs is the Book of the Dead, which one of the strippers uses to accidentally raise an army of zombies. Now the strippers must take action and re-kill all of the undead if they want to save the world (and keep on stripping)! If you like zombies and big tits, then boy are you in luck because Big Tits Zombie does indead have big tits, as well as zombies. You’d think that there would only be one movie like this, but it actually is sort of it’s own genre at this point. For more mostly naked chicks fighting hordes of brain-eating zombies, check out Oneechanbara: The Movie, Oneechanbara: Vortex, Zombies vs. Strippers, Zombie Strippers!, Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!, Stripperland, or the entirely original Strippers vs. Werewolves.
#9: Werewolves On Wheels (1971)
A gang of bikers gets tied up with a group of Satan-worshippers who curses one of the bikers with lycanthropy! Werewolves On Wheels is another film that sort of disappoints compared to it’s premise, but luckily plenty of others have picked up the mantle of crazed biker horror flicks: I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle, Mad Foxes, She-Devils On Wheels, Motorpsycho!, The Mini-Skirt Mob, Psychomania, Hard Ride To Hell, or Satan’s Sadists.
#8: Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman (2012)
BMTHOTMGW (as no one calls it) is basically a sexier, funnier, Spanish-ier version of Smokin’ Aces. It’s trying to be Lady Desperado, for lack of a better description. Though the title is clearly referencing the classic Sam Peckinpah flick "Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia", that title manages to feel authentically threatening, while this title takes it over-the-top. Chilean director Ernesto Diaz Espinoza draws inspiration from many classic grindhouse films to make a modern-day exploitation world populated by gangsters, drug dealers, hitmen, and of course the Machine Gun Woman. If you want more like this, just go to Robert Rodriguez’ Mexico trilogy, or either Machete film.
#7: Caligula Reincarnated As Hitler (1977)
(AKA The Gestapo's Last Orgy)
Ah, Nazisploitation, how I love thee. Like most films of the subgenre, Caligula Reincarnated As Hitler follows a pretty young girl who is brought to a POW camp where the prisoners are tortured and turned into sex slaves for the depraved Nazi officers. If there really is a Hell, I just may be running the place because I am addicted to these irredeemable torture porn flicks. If you would like to join me, check out the Ilsa Quadrilogy, Private House Of The SS Girls, SS Camp: Women’s Hell, Captive Women 4, SS Experiment: Love Camp, or Blitzkrieg: Escape From Stalag 69.
#6: Hepcat In The Funky Hat: Case Of The 2,000,000 Yen Arm (1961)
This action comedy is but one in a series of early works from Battle Royale and Tora! Tora! Tora! director Kinji Fukasaku. It stars a young Sonny Chiba as the titular funky detective, and has enough quirky charm to deliver on its outrageous title. For more young Chiba and Fukasaku collaborations, check out the rest of their detective films: Drifting Detective: Tragedy in the Red Valley, Drifting Detective: Misaki o wataru kuroi kaze, Man With The Funky Hat, or Gang vs. G-Men.
#5: Rape Zombie: Lust Of The Dead (2012)
You know how I mentioned that strippers fighting zombies was such a popular concept it basically spawned its own subgenre? Well, hot girls fighting off rape zombies are so popular there’s actually been five of these films in just three years. Following a nuclear attack, men have been turned into sex-craving zombies who try to hump and bite their way through the female population. Equal parts exploitation and social commentary, this series of offensive Japanese zombie flicks is bloody, gory, and funny. If over-the-top Asian zombie comedies are your thing, you should check out Biozombie, Tokyo Zombie, Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead, Wild Zero, Stacy: Attack Of The Schoolgirl Zombies, or Battle Girl: The Living Dead In Tokyo Bay.
#4: Satanico Pandemonium: La Sexorcista (1975)
Satanic cult films became very popular in the 1970’s, thanks in part to the success of other dark-themed psychological films like Rosemary’s Baby, The Omen, and of course The Exorcist. There was also a general fascination with devil worship, as many horrific murders appeared to have a link to occult practices, like the Manson Family, the Son of Sam, and the Zodiac Killer. It became common practice to blame unsolved crimes on Satanic Ritual Abuse, leading to the so-called "Satanic Panic" of the 1980’s. This Mexican film goes a step further than many others, by showcasing the tribulations of a young nun who is plagued by visions of blasphemy and sexual fantasies that encourage her to become a follower of Satan and to take her fellow nuns with her. For more like this, track down Alucarda, The Devils, Don’t Deliver Us From Evil, The Nun And The Devil, Killer Nun, anything else from our "Nunsploitation" section of B-Movies, Don’t Panic, The Brotherhood of Satan, or The Blood On Satan’s Claw.
#3: Sartana's Here, Trade Your Pistol For A Coffin (1970)
The Spaghetti Western, as they’re often called, has many tropes: showdowns with Mexican bandits, corruption in every town, and buckets of blood. My favorite tendency of these films, though, is to have awesomely translated names. There was a real effort to make each film stand out with a sense of brutality and bravado: Have A Good Funeral, My Friend... Sartana Will Pay; Massacre Time; If You Meet Sartana, Pray For Your Death; Django And Sartana Are Coming... It’s The End; Django, Prepare A Coffin; Dig Your Grave Friend... Sabata’s Coming; Mannaja: A Man Called Blade; and Django’s Cut Price Corpses. I swear I didn’t make up any of those. I think Django’s Cut Price Corpses may be the best name in there, after all. You know what guys? Just take your favorite from that list and make it this entry.
#2: Retardead (2008)
A sequel to Monsturd (2003), this film follows a zombie outbreak at a school for kids with special needs as orchestrated by a mad scientist. For more puntastic zombie films, check out Special Dead, Zombeavers, The Newlydeads, Poultrygeist, Shaun Of The Dead, Juan Of The Dead, Hsien Of The Dead, Boy Eats Girl, and Burying The Ex.
#1: Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars (1989)
In Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars, tiny claymation aliens return to earth to check up on the human race, an experiment they started 10 million years ago. They’re hilarous, perverted, and pretty pissed about the state of our world. For funnier Sci Fi from the 80s, there’s Lobster Man From Mars, Earth Girls Are Easy, The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension, Cherry 2000, The Creature Wasn’t Nice, Galaxina, The Critters films, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Morons From Outer Space, Repo Man, Spaceballs, and They Live.
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Average Vote: 110.0/5

2016-04-04 18:19:20
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