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Hall Of Names: The First Ballot Hall Of Namers
By: Vita
What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. However, if roses were called Herpes they would make really bad Valentine’s Day gifts. Some names become synonymous with evil, like Adolf or Osama. Some names become synonymous with peace, like Gandhi; or intelligence, like Einstein. Not everyone has a name that lends itself so easily to future eponyms though. Some names are just so damn fun to say out loud that they trigger laughter at their very mention.
Lake Titicaca
Mount Gay Rum
Big Bone Lick
Ayds Candy.
Sometimes great things come with unfortunate names. It’s in that spirit that we bring you our list of nominees for the Hall Of Names: people whose careers may never gain them notoriety, but whose names are among the most ridiculous to ever appear on a SAG card. These folks deserve some type of recognition just for working in show business with names like....
This awesome Native American was an actor that lived from 1941-2011. He was of Cree and Stoney descent. Some of his top acting credits include Alien Thunder (1974), Pocahontas (1995), Legends of the Fall (1994), Lone Star (1996) and one of my favorite The Edge from 1997. He greatly supported people within his tribe to express themselves through theatre. Therefore, as a patron the art, I will support him, which is why he’s first on our list of odd names.
Tuesday Knight, born as Melody Lynn Knight, is a hardworking actress, singer, and jewelry designer. Working three jobs must be tough, yet she still manages to push out many different kinds of, umm... art? More importantly for this site, her acting credits include, but not limited to, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master(1988), Wes Craven's New Nightmare (Herself, 1994),  The Babysitter (1995), and Daddy and Them (2001).
That’s her real name folks. This actress seems to be steadily working, but here’s some back story on how she found the big screen. In 2007 she moved from her hometown of Olympia, WA to Las Vegas, NV and auditioned for a TV role that happened to have Ron Jeremy in the cast. Check her out in Alien Armageddon (2011) or Dead Air (2009). Her nickname according to IMDb is Bigs. I wonder why?
His name sounds like a cartoonification of James Van Der Beek. I assure you, this is not James Van Der Beek’s illegitimate son, nor is it his hairless cat. This Bilderbeek is from Middlesex, England, and he has only has 8 movie credits to his name;including Raging Sharks (2005) and Van Damme's Derailed (2002). He obtained his ridiculously awesome name by having shitty parents that named him Binky.
Shih Szu is an actress from Taiwan. She was born Lei Qui Si in 1953. I believe her stage name as it appears on here, is the English translation. She gained her reputation after she joined the Shaw Brothers. Awesome movies she's in that we Americans can appreciate: Wu Tang Clan from 1980, and The Legend of The 7 Golden Vampires from Hammer films, 1974.
This little fable creature is also fairly unknown to the internets, so this is what I could dig up. According to IMDb, he is an actor, known for a voice of an animated version (which I loved) of The Lord of The Rings from 1978. In 1980 Aesop was also in a Sci-Fi Jewel called Galaxina, and more recently a short called Sequence (2013). I imagine the man is a bit crazy, but also wise…like the late Saruman I mean Christopher Lee. It has been rumored that Aesop has hung out with the Manson family, but eventually stopped because they were way uncool. Good move, buddy.
This all-star has been in only four movies. This is from his LinkedIn Page, “Retired Military, also a retired railroad worker. Now he’s an Actor and stand-up comic at TOPPDRAWER TALENT!!!” Also according to his page, he’s a secular comedian which I guess means he performs stand-up comedy with a lot of Adult Content and Language as well as explicit material. No mention of where he gets his name, but the picture suggests he’s a butcher of some kind. See him in The Return Of Johnny V (2011)
Born Ernst Carlton Brimmer in 1893, Dick saw great success for being able to transition from the silent film era to the “talkies”. Dix got most of his reputation from being a major leading man at RKO Radio Pictures from 1929 through 1943. He got his stage name “DIX” from being a giant penis, I’m assuming it’s mostly for having a public divorce in the 30’s which was considered a demonic act for the time. Seriously though, he took different name because his daddy wanted him to be a surgeon and Dick said “fuck no!” then took the name “Dix” from a classmate. At least that’s what his son recalled. Rugged looks and athletic ability afforded Richard the opportunity to take on many roles such as, western ruffians or cowboys, a boxer, and a captain of a haunted ship.
May 8, 1949 – May 28, 2001. So sad that he passed, because he had an awesome name. His real name was Michael Morra. He was an actor and comedian from NYC. This poor patriot got a rough start in life from his heroin-addicted pregnant mother, which ultimately lead to an addicted Rockets. Both his Italian-American uncle and father were both involved with Brooklyn mafia, until his dad got deported back to Italy. Then shit really start hitting the fan as his mother began an abusive relationship which lead to her death, and after that Michael changed his name to Rockets. I think he chose it because of the wonderful freedoms we have in good ole USA. For example, killing and getting away with it. Throughout the 70’s and 80’s he had great time with the drugs and rock n roll. This guy is a warrior to have even made to his 50s in my mind, so that why he’s number 2. Check him out in Down By Law and Animal Factory.
The weirdest name for this list because she was born CamaraYaya DaCosta Johnson. Who the eff names their kid camera? That’s how you pronounce it with an accent. But I guess they did have a good mix of DNA from Africa and South America because she’s known for being a gorgeous model. She began publicly going by Yaya Alafia in 2012, when she married independent movie producer/director Joshua Bee Alafia. She started acting, and you can gawk at this 1/2 Nigerian easily in some of her biggest films to date: Tron: Legacy, In Time, and The Kids Are All Right.
So there we have it, the first inductees into the CineMania Hall Of Names! Saying these names aloud brings us mad giggles, for sure. The next time you need a pick-me-up, remember: somewhere someone is watching a movie, and in that movie, is a guy name Richard Dix, Aesop Aquarian, or Binky Van Bilderbeek. If that doesn't get you smiling, then you ain't wired right.
Which actors have names that make you giggle like Elmo? Send them to us at cinemaniac@cinemania.co, or hit us up on Twitter: @RealCinemania

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